Answer the following question: Which of these countries had the best punk bands in the seventies?
A) England
B) USA
C) Australia
If you answered A, then you suck. If you answered B, then you suck (but partial credit, since you didn’t say England). The answer is of course C, Australia.
“What!?” I hear you cry, “I thought only the English and Americans made good punk music!” Well, dear reader, that is what the conventional history of punk would have you believe. Nearly every buzzword magazine plods out the inane myth that The Clash, The Ramones, The Sex Pistols and (perhaps) The Dead Boys invented and perfected punk music. Whereas we all know that, with the exception of The Ramones, those bands were kinda crappy.
Now before you piss yourself with rage, let me explain why Australian punk is so much better.
First, let us define what punk music should be. Ummm… well, that’s a bit difficult. Punk is really about the attitude. Don’t-give-a-fuck-won’t-do-what-you-want-thinking, if you will. Lots of bands have that, many of whom made music long before the label ‘punk’ was coined (‘50s trash, ‘60s garage), but the question of ‘70s punk is easier to solve. It needs the attitude, but it should also have powerful-riffs, driven drums and simple structures. I like to think that the MC5’s Kick Out The Jams would be the perfect punk song if you played it at 45 instead of 33 on a record player.
So, who most sounds like this…The Clash? No, The Clash were too self-aware, too political to really be rebelling, if that makes sense. Also - and no one ever seems to address this - Joe Strummer’s vocals are rubbish. Well, how about The Ramones then? Well, aside from the first record, they are largely a pop group rather than a punk band. That is not an insult, I love The Ramones, but anyone who records an album with Phil Spector is pop (although… is that so un-punk that it is actually a really punk thing to do? My head hurts).
I’ll stop stalling: the finest ‘70 punk band is Radio Birdman from Sydney, Australia.
Who?
Radio Birdman was the brainchild of Dennis Tek, a Michigan native who migrated to Australia to study medicine. That in itself is a great story, but get this: he decided to form a band that would take his favourite music from back home (the MC5 and The Stooges), combine it with Australian attitude, then speed the whole thing up. It pains me to say it, but when it comes to attitude the Australians can’t be beat. Even the name Radio Birdman destroys the competition. It conjures up an image of some spastic super being in the sky, shooting down lightning bolts of demented punk coolness.
Furthermore, Radio Birdman had great songs. What Gives? is lip-curl sneer at its finest, Burned My Eye brought the best of Chuck Berry up to date… and then there is the masterpiece, Aloha Steve and Danno. Everything about this song is great, from the concept (a song about being lonely without ‘Hawaii Five-O’ on the television) to a descending chorus that’s tattooed forever on your brain after just one listen. Their second album does not quite match the first for highlights, but the consistency is greater. Compared to the sophomore efforts of the name brand punk bands, it is exceptional.
But it wasn’t just Radio Birdman; The Saints were great too. Instead of all the crap about London, The Saints sang about the man trying to sell you shit on Know Your Product and internal desolation with (I’m) Stranded. They don’t harangue you, they just tell it straight. They aren’t afraid to use horns, acoustic guitars and other un-punk instruments, proving that they had the right attitude. I do admire John Lydon’s lyrics, but The Saints have him matched for anger and bettered for substance. The Australians didn’t have to dress it up - they were punks without trying.
Speaking of dress, another point for the Australians is that they didn’t dress like punks. Neither The Saints nor Radio Birdman wore leather, safety pins or ripped jeans. I mean, what’s so rebellious about dressing like everyone else, meeting expectations? Nothing, that’s what. In fact, when it comes to looking cool, Radio Birdmen had it down with matching grey outfits reminiscent of the 1950s test pilots in ‘The Right Stuff’. They had a logo so good it made people think they were fascists (in my opinion, at the risk of being offensive, fascists usually have the best logos). The Saints even had a great song about not dressing to meet punk expectations called Private Affair. Sample lyrics:
“And now you think that you got a first in fashion,New uniforms we all look the same.A new vogue for the now generation,A new profit in the same old game.”
The Saints were not going to dress to expectations. There was no egomaniac image maker behind them. Are you really punk if someone as uncool as Malcolm McLaren tells you what to wear?
The Saints and Radio Birdman were the giants of the Australian punk scene, but it doesn’t take much digging to turn up a host of other marsupial greats. Bootleg compilations like ‘Murder Punk’ (volumes 1 and 2) document an underground ripe with talent. I am no expert on the culture and lifestyle of ‘70s Australia, but I’d bet if the kids were bored in New York and London, it must have been ten times worse growing up in uncool Australia.
A few examples: The Scientists did the sloppy love-punk ballad forty years before The Black Lips with Frantic Romantic. X came up with the spastic slacker anti-cool anthem I Don’t Wanna Go Out, which boasts a truly bizarre vocal effect that is beyond snotty. The Victims had Television Addict, much more punk than any orgasm addict, in my view. Wanking suggests release, but being addicted to television is a step further… the kind of meaningless life that punk thrives on and grows from. I could go on, but for now I will just give you a few more band names: Psycho Suregeons, Thought Criminals, New Christs.
“But what about Killed By Death?” You say. Well, the ‘Killed By Death’* comps are great, but lyrically and musically it strays into the realms of try-hard and, dare I say, some of it is just too much like metal, in its attitude. It’s a matter of taste, but personally I like to stay away from the metal side of punk, keeping closer to its rock ‘n’ roll roots. Too many songs about killing people, not enough songs about being a loser, not enough sped-up Chuck Berry goodness.
“What records should I look out for with my newly opened eyes?” you ask. Well, Radio Birdman flew too close to the sun, burning up after only two records. They reformed and made several more, but these lean more towards alt-rock, and are best avoided. Look out for ‘Radios Appear’ and ‘Living Eyes’. The Saints marched on longer, but again it is the first two albums that they are remembered for: ‘Stranded’ and ‘Eternally Yours’.
Yes, my argument here is an exaggerated one (I love all kinds of American and UK punk groups, so I am full of shit when I say that English/US punk sucks), but it makes, I hope, a valid point. Don’t be satisfied with the surface: dig down under for truly inspired punk. It might not be as marketable, but that makes it all the better.
In conclusion - I’d rather be murdered by punk than killed by death. End transmission.
*Note: Some Australian bands are featured in the Killed by Death series, but it is largely an America/English affair.